„Cardboard Man“ The Cool Greenhouse

Well I love the women
Y’know, they’re so good at coo­king
And I love the colou­reds
They’re just so damn good-loo­king
I even love the gays
Y’know, one does my hair-cut­ting
And when I see a pig’s head
Y’know I think of nothing

‚Cause I’m a card­board man
Yes I’m a card­board man
Well my thoughts are all card­board
I’m just like my old man

And I’m down with the kids
​’Cause my facts are alter­na­tive
And I won Strictly Come Dancing
Oh, wit­hout even try­ing
And I’ve got a nasty coke habit
Good thing you know not­hing about it
I’ve got medium-sized hands
There’s no two ways about it

I’m a card­board man
I’m a card­board cut-out
Yes, I’m a card­board man
Oh I’m made of wet card­board, white cardboard

My favou­rite metal is gold
My favou­rite liquid is water
My favou­rite gas is hot air
And I love Harry Pot­ter
Y’know I’m a West Ham sup­porter
Or was it Aston Villa?
Well, you can see right through me
I’m like a glass of water

‚Cause I’m a card­board man, man
Yes, I’m a card­board man

Take a photo of me
Down your local boo­zer
I’m just an ordi­nary geezer
But with a Smeg fri­dge-free­zer
And I care about ever­yone
As much as card­board can
I did­n’t ask to be com­for­ta­ble
Well, pity the white man
Y’know I’m a laid back guy
I never ask for trou­ble
But if you look at me funny
I’m gonna drop a bomb on your hospital

And I did not have sexual rela­ti­ons with that woman
Or with that pig

Now throw toma­toes
At the card­board man
Throw all your toma­toes
As hard as you can
And if you’ve got a let­tuce
Well, you can throw that too
Oh, throw all your vege­ta­bles
At this card­board fool